Just One More Day Was All It Took

The day before I went to my first AA meeting, was almost my last. I was either going to kill myself or with any luck, not wake up. The day after, everything changed. I wanted to live. I wanted to live no matter what. Consequences of untreated alcoholism, acute anxiety and chronic depression were crashing around me and they echoed in my personal and professional life for the better part of three years. My recovery roller coaster rose and fell wildly.

As I approach another anniversary and another reflection (4th step), I pause and I notice what was different about that next day. In part, I had nowhere to hide. Most of my secrets were exposed. At least the biggest ones, their potential exposure, a thing I feared most, a day I knew would eventually come. In AA, I saw people that shared that they once were a lot like me. I felt loved when the day before I felt unlovable. I did not feel alone, whereas the day before, I felt so alone in a universe grown impossibly small. I began to let go of paralyzing fear of what might happen and took refuge in what was. I am so very grateful for that day after, that just one more day.

Just One More Day

Have you ever felt the pain
Heart-piercing
Soul-splitting
Can’t-make-it-stop
No-matter-what pain
The pain of wanting to die
But needing to live
Do you remember it
I cannot forget
Touch it when you must
Share it with another
When you can
Our words comfort
And our stories heal
For they come
From the heart
Just one more day
I remember
And I hold that memory
Gently in my arms
Cradled to my heart
And I offer this to you
Beneath the pain
There is hope


About the Author

Robert B. is sober alcoholic in Madison, WI participating in AA and AlAnon at Fitchburg Serenity Club. He has been sober since April 21, 2007. He also began writing and sharing poetry on Facebook during his first year sober as part of his recovery from alcohol dependency, acute anxiety and chronic depression. He has found that creativity expressed primarily through writing poetry and playing various stringed instruments helped him heal and thrive.

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