Seeking Wholeness | Returning to the Source

My spouse and I were recently conversing about who we’ve been before and after. Before and after we met. Before and after I hit bottom and got sober. Before and after our daughter died. Before and after grandchildren began to fill our lives. Both of us, often felt incomplete and desperately sought wholeness.

I know that part of my dependence on alcohol, anxiety, and depression emanate from longing to be more, to be better, to feel like I fit in, to belong. I looked outside of myself to fill that need for completion. In relationships, I’ve been victim and savior. Sometimes in the same relationship! In alcohol, I thought that it filled a place inside that was painfully empty, but that sense was fleeting and eventually demanded more. I truly believed that alcohol could help me be complete. It only temporarily offered pain relief.

I was recently searching for a book to gift a granddaughter and it conjured fond memories of the profound simplicity of The Missing Piece Meets the Big O and lessons I forgot. Getting sober, committing to a life of recovery, repairing broken relationships, nurturing relationships, I realize that my spouse and I don’t complete each other, but rather, we helped each other become whole.

Seeking Wholeness/Returning to the Source

My feelings and thoughts
Thoughts and feelings
They sometimes traverse
Mountains to the east
And mountains to the west
Seeking comfort
Searching for peace
A place where I am whole
Times too I meander
Deep valleys following
The meandering rivers
That guide my spirit lost
A restless wandering soul
Driven by hungry desire
Insatiable want become need
Until I tire and stop to rest
A moment to catch my breath
And abide (for a moment) in stillness
The urge to move to seek to find
Dissipates as I return to the source
Where I am (and always have been) whole

Like the Missing Piece
Searching for the Big O
I’ve often felt like I didn’t quite fit
Seeking to complete myself
Or to complete another
To make myself whole
To find the missing piece
In the puzzle that is me
I’ve been a square peg
In a round hole world
Until one day I saw myself
Just as I am another wandering spirit
Seeking answers to question
Whose answers I always knew


About the Author

Robert B. is a sober alcoholic in Madison, WI participating in AA and AlAnon at Fitchburg Serenity Club. He has been sober since April 21, 2007. He also began writing and sharing poetry on Facebook during his first year sober as part of his recovery from alcohol dependency, acute anxiety and chronic depression. He has found that creativity expressed primarily through writing poetry and playing various stringed instruments helped him heal and thrive.

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