Robert B

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My Journeys Thus Far

My Journeys Thus Far

My Journeys Thus Far – once upon a time, I was driven to seek, to escape life unfulfilled. I wanted more. More of what I could not say. I plotted a course and followed a path towards the sense of success I desperately sought. Education…

Groan. Groan. Not Another Gratitude Meeting

Groan. Groan. Not Another Gratitude Meeting

I’ve been to approximately 4,565,625 meetings since spring 2007. I heard then and I continue to hear now, people often apologize for suggesting gratitude as topic for a discussion or sharing meeting following the painful interminably long 15 second pause after a topic is invited by the chair…

Maybe We Are Doing the Best We Can

Maybe We Are Doing the Best We Can

The other day I was watching an episode of Monk. “Mr. Monk Takes His Medicine.” At some point after an obvious failure with considerable consequences, Sharona, his assistant, attempts to comfort him by suggesting that he is just doing the best that he can. What can I say, I’ll take insight from any and all sources…

Fathers and Sons, Parents and Children, Forgiveness

Fathers and Sons, Parents and Children, Forgiveness

I recently found my first gratitude journal tucked away between two books, The Soul of Rumi, by Coleman Barks, and Stanislaw Lem’s, The Further Adventures of Ion Tichy (my tastes are eclectic to say the least) while packing books to replace some bookcases. My first entry from May 14, 2007, when I was three weeks sober included gratitude for…

Finding Joy Again

Finding Joy Again

Sober, I experience joy. I came to realize that drinking alcohol and the addictive, obsessive, compulsive desires to escape drinking alcohol stole my joy…

Sometimes Life’s Hard – Too Much for Me

Sometimes Life’s Hard – Too Much for Me

Sometimes life’s just too damn hard. Pain everywhere. The past several days – Gilroy, El Paso, Dayton (who knows where by the time this posts). I feel too much at once. Too much to even know / feel what I feel. I feel helpless…

Shhh. Don’t Tell Anyone, I Sometimes Pray

Shhh. Don’t Tell Anyone, I Sometimes Pray

In my head, when I heard or read Step 11 of Alcoholics Anonymous, I always revised it to simply be, ‘sought through meditation to improve my conscious contact with the spirit of life and love’. That was consistent with what I felt like I connected to when meditating, and what I considered my higher power. I did not, would not…

Regrets – I’ve Got A Few

Regrets – I’ve Got A Few

Regret. Guilt. Shame. That was my pattern for ever so long. It still grabs me and binds me now and again. “We will not regret the past nor shut the door on it.” I do regret my past. And as long as I breathe, I suspect the past will open the door anytime it damn well pleases…

Brief Poems for Desperate Times

Brief Poems for Desperate Times

In times like these, filled with screed and greed, it is so difficult for me to be. Seemingly all that I see consumes the better parts of me; drags me screaming into a future I fear. Hope eroded and rasped away with each headline, soundbite and tweet. I wish that I didn’t care. I want to fight…

A Day at a Time They Said

A Day at a Time They Said

I heard this at my first meeting of AA, and I’ll bet that I’ve heard it at every meeting since. 5,226 meetings by my count, but who’s counting. My initial thought was cool. That I can do. But. Yes, but. I found it difficult and I still do. My sense of living my life a day…