Transformation

Transformation

I just wanted to stop drinking alcohol because, that’s all that I thought that I needed to do. Truth be known, I just wanted…

Restoration

Restoration

Restoration – I recently visited my son and his family—his wife and one year old daughter. A relationship once broken, now restored…

Wonder and Beauty I See

Wonder and Beauty I See

I just completed my annual 4th and 5th step. I’m lucky in a sense that I first got sober in spring. Spring cleaning in…

Resilience

Resilience

For three decades now, I’ve studied the ability of ecosystems to respond to change, to ultimately adapt. I’ve never thought about resilience as…

And One Day I Realized That I Was Creating My Own Mythology

And One Day I Realized That I Was Creating My Own Mythology

When I first began to write and share poetry, now approximately 4,383, but who’s counting, I sought to describe what I saw and…

Just One More Day Was All It Took

Just One More Day Was All It Took

The day before I went to my first AA meeting, was almost my last. I was either going to kill myself or with any luck…

Holding Sorrow and Joy With the Same Heart

Holding Sorrow and Joy With the Same Heart

I used to compartmentalize my life, my days, my feelings. Sober I’m learning to be whole. I am willing to hold joy and sorrow…

The Worst Days of My Life (Thus Far)

The Worst Days of My Life (Thus Far)

I’ve had many worst days of my life. Too many to count. Dark days when I stopped wanting to live and I bought a…

When I Lost Everything

When I Lost Everything

What was your bottom? Twelve years ago, I truly believed that I was losing everything that I valued. Dying seemed a relief from a life…

When Want Became Need And I Became Free

When Want Became Need And I Became Free

I remember how uneasy I felt newly sober. Consequences still rained down on me, affecting health, relationships, finances and career. And it was my mess…

God is Everything or Else He is Nothing

God is Everything or Else He is Nothing

I heard it again this morning for the umpteenth time “…we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He…

Stillness and Silence

Stillness and Silence

To sit still, quiet, a thing of dread in early recovery (sometimes now). A meditator for more than half my life and my first weeks…

Anger

Anger

“If we were to live, we had to be free of anger … but to alcoholics these things were poison … anger is a luxury we cannot…

Seeking

Seeking

Sometimes I find myself desperately seeking and searching for answers to quench my thirst to know. My greatest drive seems to be answer a never…

Bearing witness to the pain and suffering of ‘those who still suffer’

Bearing witness to the pain and suffering of ‘those who still suffer’

In my home group some that chair that meeting preface the prompt to join in the first part of the Serenity Prayer with ‘for those…

Christmas on Tobacco Road

Christmas on Tobacco Road

I grew up on a little hard scrabble farm in the hills and hollers of eastern Tennessee. Our farm was on a gravel road that…

What It Was Like Then and What It Is Like Now

What It Was Like Then and What It Is Like Now

I start my day with a 10-15 minute meditation. I’ve done this most days since I got sober. The form changes from time…

Science and Spirit

Science and Spirit

When I was newly sober, my feelings overwhelmed me. I began to write and share poetry as a way to be with overwhelming feelings. Writing…

All This Rage

All This Rage

I wrote the fragment -“Greed, Rage, Fear, Hate, Such a tightly wound knot”- about a month ago. It felt uncomfortable and uncontrollable and so I…

Things Could Always Be Better

Things Could Always Be Better

The November 24 reflection from Beyond Belief: Agnostic Musings for 12 Step Life reference to Gabor Mate’s, In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts, reminded…