A Day at a Time They Said

A Day at a Time They Said

I heard this at my first meeting of AA, and I’ll bet that I’ve heard it at every meeting since. 5,226 meetings…

The Watcher and Me

The Watcher and Me

The Watcher first showed up in poems I was writing in about 2013 or 2014. These three connected poems were written years apart during times…

To the Spouses

To the Spouses

Early days. I was on shaky, newly sober legs and my marriage, more likely to dissolve than survive. A few of the elders, male and…

Nine Years Later, I’m Still Sober

Nine Years Later, I’m Still Sober

June 23, 2010, our daughter, my stepdaughter, died. Sober, I had euthanized a beloved dog and cat: my best friend of 25 years died unexpectedly…

My Shadows and Me

My Shadows and Me

My shadow self, as I’ve come to know, is dominated by regret turned to shame. Shame that bound me in chains and a prison…

What Do I Actually Believe?

What Do I Actually Believe?

What do I actually believe, I sometimes ask myself, searching for hope and finding none. What I sometimes say to myself is ‘… we are fucked…

Reclaiming My Spirit

Reclaiming My Spirit

The AA Agnostica article, “Spiritual, Not Religious” The Hollow Claim of Alcoholics Anonymous”,  and a conversation with an agnostic friend in AA about higher powers…

What’s Your Greatest Fear?

What’s Your Greatest Fear?

I asked this of myself recently, as I shared in a meeting, and I’ve thought about it frequently since. As a child, I feared…

Transformation

Transformation

I just wanted to stop drinking alcohol because, that’s all that I thought that I needed to do. Truth be known, I just wanted…

Restoration

Restoration

Restoration – I recently visited my son and his family—his wife and one year old daughter. A relationship once broken, now restored…

Wonder and Beauty I See

Wonder and Beauty I See

I just completed my annual 4th and 5th step. I’m lucky in a sense that I first got sober in spring. Spring cleaning in…

Resilience

Resilience

For three decades now, I’ve studied the ability of ecosystems to respond to change, to ultimately adapt. I’ve never thought about resilience as…

And One Day I Realized That I Was Creating My Own Mythology

And One Day I Realized That I Was Creating My Own Mythology

When I first began to write and share poetry, now approximately 4,383, but who’s counting, I sought to describe what I saw and…

Just One More Day Was All It Took

Just One More Day Was All It Took

The day before I went to my first AA meeting, was almost my last. I was either going to kill myself or with any luck…

Holding Sorrow and Joy With the Same Heart

Holding Sorrow and Joy With the Same Heart

I used to compartmentalize my life, my days, my feelings. Sober I’m learning to be whole. I am willing to hold joy and sorrow…

The Worst Days of My Life (Thus Far)

The Worst Days of My Life (Thus Far)

I’ve had many worst days of my life. Too many to count. Dark days when I stopped wanting to live and I bought a…

When I Lost Everything

When I Lost Everything

What was your bottom? Twelve years ago, I truly believed that I was losing everything that I valued. Dying seemed a relief from a life…

When Want Became Need And I Became Free

When Want Became Need And I Became Free

I remember how uneasy I felt newly sober. Consequences still rained down on me, affecting health, relationships, finances and career. And it was my mess…

God is Everything or Else He is Nothing

God is Everything or Else He is Nothing

I heard it again this morning for the umpteenth time “…we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He…

Stillness and Silence

Stillness and Silence

To sit still, quiet, a thing of dread in early recovery (sometimes now). A meditator for more than half my life and my first weeks…